Off the Front 8/4/04

Here I am again!

Interesting reaction to last week's newsletter. I received a brag from one Myrtle the Turtle (who could that be, Juliet Witana?) praising Sonnie Witana's pathetic profile and revealing some stuff about me that can only have come from my own dearest disloyal wife! There will be repercussions!!

So, what else is up?

Well the Rotorua Flyer seemed to have more than its share of crashes - our own John Badger was in two of them (very greedy, John. Most people are satisfied with one crash in a race). Marguerite and Paul Ritchie and I think Graham Dudfield came down as well. Scotty Ardern was in the finishing sprint and wisely decided that discretion was the best part of valour and backed off and let others eat asphalt. And good old Ross Simmonds avoided all the chaos and won! Well done Ross! His race report is on the website (http://www.hamiltoncitycycling.com) so have a read. I also received a report from Paul Ritchie giving another perspective of his suffering wife Marguerite. You are going to have to brush up on those puncture repair skills, Marguerite!

Some of our more perceptive cycling colleagues (I think it was Blyth Andrews and Trevor Foley) have detected a star in our midst. Have a look at this:
See the resemblance? Once he takes his helmet off, it becomes even more obvious. I think the rumours could be true. Our own Harry Donker has been acting on the side! Like me, most of you probably thought that those cruises that Harry and Lex took in their bus were genuine tours around the countryside, but now we know they were sneaking off to the various film locations. This whole story about Andy Serkis was a lie! I have to say that dear Harry hasn't let fame and (presumably) fortune change him. No, he is still our loveable old Harry, who'll dork you in a sprint anytime he sniffs his 'precious' finish line. And whatever you do, don't try to touch his ring!

We had our committee meeting this week and spent a fair bit of time organising the Winter Race Series. I'm working on the poster and we're waiting for Jack to get the Traffic Management plan sorted. At this point we're aiming to start in the beginning of May and going through to September. It is going to be a handicap race as I think I told you before. In order to be able to handicap the race properly we are going to require people to enter by the Thursday before. It takes quite a bit of work to handicap races and it can't be done on the start line so we need to do this. We want to make it as convenient as possible for everyone, so we are proposing that people either ring or email their entry and pay on the Saturday. All we need is your name, a contact phone number and the CNZ club you belong to (you can't race without being a member of a CNZ club, as I think we've explained previously). We prefer email entries because they are easier to track, but Grange Leaman at Proudlocks has offered to take the phone entries - thanks for the offer Grange. We are going to allow late entries (a soft option, in my opinion, but I was outvoted on this one), but the cost will be $10 and riders will have to have entered no later than an hour before race start and could well start on scratch (I have done this before and if anyone doubts the hassle of trying to handicap riders that roll up at the last minute, you are welcome to have a go).

The cost will be $5, and we will be returning $4 back as prize money. So if we get 50 entries that gives a prize pool of $200. We're looking at paying for the first 5 places plus fastest time and maybe second fastest. We will need people to help as it is critical that we capture all the finishing places, so we are going to draw up a roster and will rely on everyone pitching in to help out.

We've had quite a bit of interest from the other WBOP clubs, so hopefully the races will be well supported. Hopefully, by next week, I'll have the poster drawn up and ready to go as we need to get the word out real soon. I think it'll be a fun event. If anyone has any other suggestions please let me know asap as things are not set in stone yet.

Also on this Easter is the Masters National Champs. It is being held at TA on Saturday (time trial) and Sunday (road race). so, if you have some spare time go out and watch the old fellas and fellesses race. I know that Harry (Gollum) Donker is giving it a shot as is Bob and Robyn Puru and John Badger once Grange fixes his munted bike. I guess Graham Dudfield and Marguerite Ritchie will be having a go. I suppose Blyth may be hunting for more medals to add to his collection. I don't know who else there are so many old buggers about - so whoever is doing it good luck and if Clarrie and Noelene are there make sure you let them know you won't accept your placings by proxy vote!! (Oops, showing my bitter side now - calm down Michael, take a breath, put the knfe down... OK, back now all better).

Speaking of invalids, I spoke to Roger Leaf this week. He is healing up well after his back operation. He reckons it was a great success and he has even got back on his bike. He tells me he is riding very slowly at the moment. Yeah righto, Roger. Roger, as you know is a cyclist. Roger won the Dulux Tour years ago. What does that mean? It means he's as cunning as a shithouse rat. It means you never, ever turn your back on him, because he'll smile to your face and then kick you in the arse when you're down. It means he'll moan like hell when he's unfit that everyone is hammering him unfairly, and we're all bastards, and when he's fit he'll grind you into the dirt without a second thought - just like Jack Swart! Anyway, I'm sure you'll all join with me and wish Roger well. And Rog anytime you want to go for a ride, give me a ring - I'll look after you, you can trust me:)

Oh and before I forget, Sonnie Witana is going in for an operation real soon - yep, they're sewing his mouth shut to stop all that bullshit escaping. So all the best Sonnie mate, I'll keep Pekenui Rd warm for you.

I could go on, but I think I've insulted enough people this week. I'm still waiting for some more profiles, remember if you don't provide one, someone else could on your behalf.

Have a look on the website there is lot of other news on there. The brag page has some stuff for sale. There are details on the upcoming Centre TT Champs on the events page. In the other news Grant Mathiesson is asking for support for an Oxfam Cycle Challenge in vietnam next year, there are a couple of reports on the Rotorua Flyer and we are looking for volunteers for our committee - our AGM is coming up soon so we need some help on the officials front. Please give it some thought, a strong committee means a strong club.

Anyway, all the best for Easter. Hopefully, I'll see many of you on the Sunday ride, if not beforehand.

Michael