Newsletter No 14 24/06/04

Hello again cyclists. The shortest day has passed so we're on the up in terms of daylight hours. Hooray. Unfortunately, we're probably in for a month or so of rubbish weather yet before spring hits. We're getting less people out to the Tuesday and Thursday Proudlock's ride, what with the weather plus colds, flu etc. So, it's probably a good time to hibernate anyway. This will be a shorter newsletter this week as I'm busy preparing some stuff for a strategic planning session this weekend.

Now, it is confession time. I have nominated myself for the soft c*ck award this week, last week I went out for a ride from Proudlock's but after about 10km it started raining so I turned around and went home. I am told that the rain stopped soon after that, so the hardier members of the group had a relatively pleasant ride. So, there you go, guilty as charged.

I guess while I'm on a roll, I may as well get this off my chest. I have received evidence that my position as the owner of the best bike in the Waikato has been lost. The other day I was out at Kevin Stuart's place and he unveiled his Merlin Ultralight with Campag Record Carbon! Yes, I know that the Merlin frame does drop the value somewhat, being only a Merlin and only 3/2.5 titanium rather than 6/4 but the Carbon Record tipped the balance. So, yes Mr Stuart holds the crown...for the time being. But it won't last long. I have heard rumours that Kerry Evans is looking to upgrade his Litespeed Vortex from 9 speed Shimano to Campag Record. If and when Kerry does this he will jump over Kevin to hold an unassailable lead.

Now what else is up. A bit more gossip. You may recall that last week I wrote about the Sunday ride around Norwegian Rd and how we were privileged to have Murray Russell and Dave Chandler turn up to ride with us. Well I heard the following about these two, both of whom turned off early.

Murray rode back from Cambridge via Kaipaki with Sonnie Witana and Paul Watene and I'm told it was a bit of a struggle for Murray. Anyway, Murray got home and spent a good deal of the afternoon sleeping on the sofa only, I'm told, to wake up later in the day a bit grumpy, like a sad old bear. Tsk, tsk Murray, have you been catching something off certain anonymous grumpy riders (I don't think Bob Puru was there)?

Also Dave Chandler headed back with another cyclist after the first bit of Norwegian Rd. Dave's made the following suggestion to Roy (the other cyclist), "I think we should ride single file, and you should ride in the front". How gracious of Dave. Isn't he such a generous soul to give Roy the privilege of dragging Dave's sorry butt home. And he didn't even charge Roy for the privilege! Lucky, lucky Roy.

We had the club AGM on Monday night. The turnout was astounding. We had to turn people away at the doors. It was like going to the Oscars as the cycling stars turned up.

Jack Swart, the Morrinsville Marvel came dressed to kill in his designer builders apparel. Wearing a pair of worn grey slippers, holey trousers and an unmatched bush shirt, Jack wowed the crowds with his avant garde approach to fashion.

Roger Leaf turned up with all his friends (i.e. he was alone) in a stunning black jacket with the name of his new business boldly emblazoned on the pocket.

Blyth and Trevor came together and dressed in matching outfits that showed off their best features (that means they came with Blak Saks over their heads).

Harry 'Gollum' Donker arrived in a daring low cut negligee that had most of the crowd reaching for their barf bags.

Felicity Bell made a dazzling display with an emsemble that looked like a bunch of financial reports. Fortunately, Peter MacLean wasn't there because he would have been uncontrollable with so much financial data around.

But Warren Bell really stole the show with this bold statement. Go Warren, go!

We started with a letter from El Presidente. Jack had written an eloquent piece that thanked everyone for their efforts over the past year and that was followed by Vice President Gollum Donker who also thanked a lot of people. Felicity presented the financial statements, but was still unable to explain the $3 million deposit into that Cayman Islands account! I think we may have to call Winston Peters in to investigate.

Then we came to voting the executive and committee. Once again Jack rose to the occasion and like a true politician made all sorts of promises so he could retain power. He promised Blyth and Trevor that he wouldn't post those incriminating photos on the internet. He offered Simon Cavanaugh money. He offered free schooling and health care. New bike frames for all club members. We had to wrestle him to the ground and re-elect him as President to shut him up.

Harry Donker was his normal modest self and reluctantly agreed to stay on a VP as long as we promised to hold a seance and get rid of that pesky Dutch housewife who kept on trying to jam him back into a jar of very smelly pickles.

Felicity really wasn't sure about staying on as secretary. Jack tried bribing her with the offer of a ride up French Pass with him and his group of lunatic cyclists, and was most put out when Felicity told him where he could stuff that idea.

Simon Cavanaugh agreed to become treasurer as long as Felicity agreed to show him how to salt the club funds away.

Trevor Foley agreed to become Club Captain as long as Blyth held his hand.

Grange Leaman agreed to take on the role of Handicapper with a worrying relish and an evil chuckle. He was seen afterwards trying to practise his handicapping skills with a softball bat on Kerry Evan's kneecaps. I don't think he's worked out the role yet.

Tanya Leaman, Kerry Evans and John Badger all agreed to form the remainder of the committee.

So there you go folks. I present to you the HCCC committee. Remember to bow and scrape when they appear, particularly if you see the handicapper holding a softball bat.

Before I go, I should tell you that I and my partner are going to the All Blacks game this Saturday courtesy of Telecom. Yes, we're having to drink a lot of free drinks and nibble at the pre-match function at Le Dome before being bused to the game and then bused back to Le Dome for some more beers and food at the 'post match analysis' function. And who is the lucky, lucky person to share my company this weekend. Well it is none other than Sonnie 'Pantani' Witana. Paul Watene told me he is 'easy meat', a bit tough and tasteless, but for a couple of beers, he is anyone's! I'll give you the exclusive story next week.

See you around

Michael