Newsletter No 18 19/08/04

Hello there fellow cyclists. I'm back from my travels. I must say even though the weather in Europe and the US was a lot warmer, there is still no place like home. Three weeks of airlines and hotels is not my idea of fun. Cycling wise I saw some cyclists on the road in France. I was two hours away from L'Alpe D'Huez. I just missed seeing Jan Ullrich race in Graz (in Austria) and I was glad I didn't live in Chicago cause the roads I was driving on were not rider friendly.

This will be very short as I've been out of the loop with many of the goings on so I have only a few things to report.

I understand that Kerry Evans has lept to the top of the best bike stakes by upgrading his Litespeed Vortex from a Dura Ace groupset to Campag Carbon Record 10. That knocks Kevin Stuart off his perch (and not before time, I say) and down into second place with his Carbon Record Merlin (training bike frames can't compete with Litespeed racing frames).

I was also disappointed to find that Garry Gallagher had lowered the bike fashion stakes by purchasing an Atmos helmet and cap in the USPS colour. Sad Garry, sad. Just because Lance won the Tour again, there's no reason to try to suck up to him. Kevin and I were riding behind him on Thursday night and we could have sworn we saw Lance's head wedged up his a*se. We were also amused to read the following in small letters at the back of his helmet: "This helmet belongs to a f*ckwit". Have a look yourself next time.

Other than that not much seems to have changed. Kevin Stuart still has one brain cell (although, I have heard that it is applying for refugee status). Cliff Whittaker's ears still stick out. Harry Donker is still as ugly as ever. Grange Leaman is still a b*stard. And John Badger is still trying to log into his email. Bob Puru is still rude and obnoxious to me (I cannot think what I have done to deserve that sort of treatment).

I still haven't caught up with lots of people so you'll need to update me. Is Trevor Foley still a retard? Is Shane Neil still a grumpy b*stard. Has Jack Swart returned from Tahiti and if so, how did he do? Can Sonnie Witana ride up hills faster than Eric the crippled slug yet? Is Amy Mosen still a dwarf? Is Blyth Andrews still a trackie or has he seen the error of his ways? Are Debbie and Scott Ardern still riding? Has Shane Bullivant cleaned his bike yet (since it has been less than a year since the last clean, I think the answer to that is self evident)? If I have left you off the list of insults please email me, I aim to please. If there is someone that needs to be exposed don't forget to let me know.

I understand the Saturday races are still on. I would like to thank Grange Leaman for volunteering my services for handicapping this Saturday. Thanks Grange, remember to watch your back when you are going down dark alleys! Stephen Cox is also organising some races around the Waikato starting next weekend. Have a look on the website for more details. Be aware, Stephen Cox is a sadist. His courses are evil and his prizes are usually consist of rubbish that he couldn't give away to the local Woman's Refuge. Other than that they are well organised races and of course we all live by the Olympic motto; "It is not important whether you win or lose, but how you play the game".

I suppose most of you will be glued to the TV watching the Druglympics. At the moment I think the medal count is fairly even between EPO and HGH. Although, I have heard rumours that Bob Puru has been trying to pedal his special blend of Donkey Growth Hormone. Unfortunately, his selling line of; "Buy DGH, it will do for you what it did for me", is failing to be as inspirational as he first thought. I also noticed that the crowds at Athens are about as big as the crowds that watched Blyth win his gold medal earlier this year.

Have a good week.

Michael