Newsletter No 15 1/07/04

Did I mention that I went to the All Blacks vs Argentina game last Saturday? I went courtesy of Telecom and took along Sonnie Witana because I'd heard he was anyone's after a couple of drinks. Paul Watene and I commisserated with each other last Sunday. You may recall that Paul won a night with Sonnie in the quiz competition the other week. Both of us were very disappointed, so we would like to issue a consumer warning: Sonnie Witana is distinctly average, avoid if possible!

While I'm on about the rugby, Sonnie and I bumped into Graham Bunn at the Telecom do and so we got a chance to have a good old chin wag. Graham, for those of you who haven't come across him is a coach of some note. He briefly coached me before coming to his senses and choosing people with talent, like Tim Gudsell and Peter Latham. both of whom were thrilled to get into the Olympics track squad. Graham tells me that the boys went out to celebrate the night they heard about their selection. Graham being the sensible chap that he is stayed at home. At about 4am the next morning he received a ring from Peter and Stu just to let him know they were well and truly 'out of it'. Isn't that nice? How many coaches get that sort of consideration? So good luck to the boys in Athens. I wonder how they'll go against the Aussies?

Did you know that Blyth Andrews celebrated his 40th birthday last week? I know, it's hard to believe that Blyth has hit to big 4-0, he doesn't look a day over 65. Blyth celebrated down in Queenstown, with his good buddy Trevor Foley. I received the following report from an anonymous source.

"Well here I am outside the Queenstown Sad Gits home waiting for Blyth Andrews to turn up for his birthday. The crowd is getting excited. Well actually the five guys Blyth paid to stand around and look interested are getting restless because they've finished their bottle of meths and he promised them a fill up. Hang on folks, I can see a commotion in the distance. I think it could be Blyth turning up for his party....yes, it is Blyth. He looks stunning in pink lycra shorts with a HCCC cycle shirt covered in gold glitter! Of course to top it off he is wearing his gold medal from the Track Nationals. What a sight."

Speaking of trackies, I should also mention Andrew Weatherley, another of the disreputable trackie ilk. On a recent Proudlocks ride Dorette Prinsloo mistook his backside for a girl's. Andrew took this as a compliment! Hmmm?

Last Saturday saw a good turnout for the race series. Apparently over 20 people turned up and Grange did a pretty good job of the handicap as there was less than 10 seconds between the front runners in break and scratch. Scratch also set a new course record with a time of 1:01! Matt Gorter told me the pace was pretty torrid. so torrid, that Jack was spat out the back on the 3rd lap and I think Matt lost the front group up the final hill.

Cliff Whittaker gets the Homer Simpson Doh Award. Not only did he get spat out of break, but he crawled home after the race after hitting the wall. It turns out that Cliff went on a crash diet to lose the kilos he put on in Fiji, he lost 5kgs by eating a diet with little in the way of carbos. The diet also stipulated that when you are on it you should not do any hard exercise!! Nice one Cliff!

With the Tour de France due to start at the end of the week, I thought I'd give my mate Lance a quick ring and see how he was going.

ME: How's it going their Lance

LANCE: I would like to categorically state that I have never taken drugs. I'll sue anyone who says different!

ME: Whoa there Lance, it's me your old riding buddy Michael.

LANCE: Oh, Michael. Sorry about that I'm a bit stressed with all this talk about drugs. Doctor Ferrari has told me to lie down and pop a couple of pills to calm myself down.

ME: Sounds like you should take his advice. He's looked after you so far. Anyway, how's the prep going for the TDF?

LANCE: Yeah, good. I'm feeling pretty strong.

ME: How's the rest of theam getting on?

LANCE: OK. Although I could do with some strong riders from your club to help me out.

ME: Really, who did you have in mind?

LANCE: Well Cliff Whittaker would be helpful up the hills for a start.

ME: Cliff? How could he help you up the hills?

LANCE: He could punch anyone who tried to pass me.

ME: Did you have anyone else in mind?

LANCE: Shane Bullivant would be handy down the mountains. He's as mad as a meataxe when it comes to descending. And of course my good friend Roger Leaf (did you know he won the Dulux Tour, back in the days when men were men and sheep lived in fear), he could half wheel Jan all day. And then there's good old 'Gollum' Donker.........actually speaking of Gollum a spooky thing happened involving him the other day.

ME: Really, we've been experiencing some strange things about Harry for some time. What happened to you?

LANCE: Well, I had this weird dream with this really old Dutch housewife trying to stuff Harry back into putrid jar of pickled onions. that jar looked disgusting, it looked at least 7,000 years old!

ME: Now that is spooky.

I'll see if I can get hold of Jan for next week.

Before I sign off I should also let you know that on last Sunday's ride Sonnie Witana got his butt kicked by Mark Leaning at the Avalon Drive sprint section. Sad, sad, sad. Sonnie tried to claim he was leading him out. Yeah, right.

Have a good week everyone.

Michael