Newsletter No 19 26/08/04

News Flash! Innocent Bike attacked by Evildoers

Yes it is true readers, the poor innocent bike you see below that had just been wrestled out of an abusive home has been set upon by a bunch of vandals.
Settle down and read on as I tell this sad tale. Last week I came into possession of a training bike. I had been semi-interested in getting another bike to ride during the crappy winter months. I was looking of a second rate frame and gear to ride around on, one where it didn't matter too much if it got mud and crap over it.

Late last week, Kevin (One Brain Cell) Stuart rang me with an offer I couldn't refuse (most of the offers Kevin makes to people are rather grubby and very easy to refuse, so this was an exception). He had an old second hand bike that was my size. Over I drive to have a look and there is a Merlin RSR with Shimano Dura Ace. Hmm, I think, second rate frame - good for training I'll take it. Kevin then explained its pedigree, it was an ex-Bob Puru bike (one of thousands that have passed through his hands). That explained it's rather sad and haunted look, the look of a dog who has been badly treated by it's owner.

The first thing we did was remove the seat (no one wants to be that close to Bob, not even Robyn). The counselling to remove the effects of Bob the Terrible took a bit of time as we heard the tales of cruelty and abuse that would make even Roger Leaf shudder (and that takes some doing, I can tell you). Tales of early morning rides in appalling weather. Day after day with Bob wrestling on its handlebars as he trained for the Te Awamutu C Grade winter races. Dealing with the side effects of Bob's secret drugs programme (apparently, Donkey Growth Hormone injections gives you terrible flatulence). These were tales that even had Kevin Stuart's remaining brain cell reconsidering it's application for refugeee status, as it learned that there are worse places than Kevin's brain.

Anyway, after some counselling to remove the worse effects of its abuse and a few adjustments I had a rather nice training bike that fitted me well. I took it on a couple of rides and it performed rather well (can't say the same about the rider). I had to settle it down a couple of times when we came near Bob (it brought back bad memories), but other than that it went fine. After a ride on Tuesday night, I left it in Proudlock's for a bit of tuning on the rear wheel. Little did I realise that evil Garry Gallagher, Kevin Stuart and Grange Leaman (among others) would set upon my poor bike and desecrate it. So, you can see the evidence before you. I guess my poor training bike will need even more counselling now!

PS. It turns out that this was Murray Russell's bike before Bob bought it. I'm not sure whether this is a good or bad thing. at least it doesn't seem to wobble down hills like Murray's current bike.

Aqnyway, that's it for this week. I'm too shaken to write any more. Except to let you know that the Saturday races are still on.

Oh, and to let you know that there is a picture of Debbie Ardern riding Alp D'Huez have a look at www.photobreton.com search for:TF4B1384. There are a couple of good photos of our Debs riding. Well done Debbie, but where was Scott? Did you kick his butt?

And one last thing, Amy Mosen (remember her, small dwarf-like person) told me in strictest confidence that Dee Prinsloo (one of Amy's proteges) is cuddling up to another cyclist by the name of Andrew Wells. Amy only told me on the condition that I barely mentioned it to hardly anyone on the newsletter, so I'm sure I can trust you. As you know, I have a policy of not commenting on fellow cyclist's relationships. I've hardly said anything about Trevor and Blyth's unnatural relationship or about Kerry O'Keefe's attraction to goats or even Dave Chandler's strange and distasteful obsession with Sally the Sheep. So, I shall say no more .................................... except I trust you will wish Dee and Andrew all the best.

Oops, one final thing. I understand we have a couple of teams entered into the team time trial on Saturday. I think the A Team is Jack Swart, Justin Kerr, Ross Simmonds and one other and the B Team is Trevor Foley, Blyth Andrews, Kerry Evans and someone else, whom I also can't remember. Anyway good luck to you guys. Grange and I are gutted that we missed out on the teams - not!

See you around.

Michael