Newsletter No 21 9/09/04

21 today....21 today! How time flies when you're having fun. Spring is here, soon daylight savings will kick in and we can put our lights away for a few months...yippee.

And what a busy week we had this week. On Saturday we had the Centre Time Trial and the club had some good results. Ross Simmonds won the Open section with Justin Kerr coming in third behind Geoff Burndred. Rod Carpenter came third in Vet 1, Blyth Andrews won Vet 2, Jack Swart came third in Vet 4 (but won Vet 3 - more on that later), Harry (Gollum) Donker won Vet 6 and Marguerite Ritchie won Vet 2 women. Well done everyone.

Back to Jack. Poor Jack, he might be stomping on the pedals big time, but his brain is going the way of Kevin Stuart - out the door. Apparently, Jack can't remember his age. He managed to ride the time trial as a Vet 3 rider and cleaned up in that category. Unfortunately, he is in fact a Vet 4 rider and only managed a third behind Chris (outboard) Johnson. Rumour has it that Jack has enrolled in the local preschool and as long as he takes his shoes off and uses his toes he can now count up to twenty almost unaided.

Our own Claire (Bear) Brazell also competed in the Waikato University women's rowing team that comprehensively beat the Melbourne University team. Claire also fronted to the Masquerade Ball on that night and looked like she was having a really great time. Claire claims she was behaving herself - but I'm not too sure about that. I also bumped into our own champion trackie, Blyth Andrews. Blyth looked very attractive in a little black number that showed off his clean-shaven, chiseled legs to their full advantage. The effect was slightly spoiled by the horrific gargoyle mask Blyth chose to wear. It looked terrible and had more than a few guests reaching for the nearest bucket when they spotted him. There was a rumour going around that, in fact, Blyth was not wearing a mask, he looked like that normally. And I did come across one of our local plastic surgeons, handing his card to Blyth and promising to fix up that last botched face lift and tummy tuck. Lesley, Blyth's partner looked radiant as usual, but I'm afraid Blyth suffered in comparison. but we must all remember, that it is not really Blyth's fault, he wasn't born completely ugly, it was just that prolonged exposure to trevor foley that twisted him so much.

On Sunday morning, Debbie Ardern decided that riding her bike wasn't very exciting and managed to get up close and personal with the tarmac on Waingaro Rd. Lucky she is short as being so close to the road already meant she had less distance to fall, so she only picked up a few scratches and gamely carried on with the ride.

Stephen Cox's race (it is officially called a fun ride - as if anyone believes that) produced more good results for the club. Ross Simmonds (HCCC) won, with Geoff Burndred second and our own Justin Kerr came in a creditable third. Surprisingly both Jack and Scott Ardern were dropped on the first climb!

I must also mention that that evil cyclist Kevin Stuart claimed more victims on Sunday by taking Garry Gallagher and a couple of other poor saps around the Wharepapa South ride. Kevin is the only cyclist who can turn a 140-150 km loop into a 170 km loop by the judicious use of 'short cuts' - be warned he is not trustworthy. Garry Gallagher also deserves the mentioning as a particularly sad example of cyclist stupidity - despite being caught out more than a few times, you would think he would learn - but oh no, he still gets sucked in. By the way the forecast change in wind direction did not happen, so Kevin and his not-so Merry Men had to grovel home in a head wind.

I also received the following email from Graeme Dudfield:

Dear Hammy Hamster ( Felicity Ferret's cousin)

I wasn't going to say any thing but I have to.

For weeks now you have been insulting most member's of the Hamilton City Cycling club ( and fine upstanding people they are)

and as yet I haven't even been worthy of a mention.

What is the problem.

Am I not ugly enough.?

Is my bike too clean?

My ears too little?

Am I to quite?

Too Tall.

I could go on and on.

I have never been so un-insulted in my life.

What do I have to do?

Please let me know.

I yearn to get a mention in your dispatches.

Yours Truly Un-insulted

Duddy

PS I used to own a Bertin - Does that qualify?

Poor Graeme, don't worry I'll get to you. But I am pleased that I did manage to insult you by not mentioning you. This could be quite a good strategy - if I don't mention people they are insulted and if I do mention them they are also insulted. So Graeme, I will see what I can do. In the meantime Graeme, you need to do something really stupid - riding behind mad Marguerite Ritchie probably qualifies.

Who else could I insult by not mentioning them? Hmmm, how about Bevan Bell or Roger Leaf

On Tuesday was also had a small crash. Early into the ride Andrew Wells came down. A few of us stopped to help him out and see he was alright. You would have thought that Dee Prinsloo, would have been there for her beloved, but oh no, Dee carried on riding. I understand she may have been heard to say, "If he's any good he'll get back on". That is one tough woman!

Anyway, enough for this week, I need to get my beauty sleep (you may find it hard to believe, but I need a lot of beauty sleep). So I'll see you guys around.

Michael